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Scott Harrington

Scott Harrington Post 1

• 23 January 2016, 11:49 PM • Edited by the author on 24 January 2016, 12:12 AM

Advice needed

Hey all.

I have an issue I would welcome your advise on, relating to an U12 girls team.. A potentially serious issue has been developing over the last few months that has only now fallen at my desk to deal with. A coach/parent raised a concern with me recently that I've not had so much practical experience dealing with as I usually work with older junior players. Our U12 girls team at my club have around 18 girls. The team are developing, and thankfully prioritise enjoyment in competition. (The team are also performing fairly well, strange!). 

The issue is that the team has two girls (sisters) who are both ultra competitive and very angry. Not mean, not bully's, just very emotional and clearly very mentally unstable, making it very difficult for the two volunteer coaches with no expertise in the psychological/social components of their coaching roles. The two girls in question are, by definition the two fastest 12 year olds on the Island and already compete as 12 year olds on the National youth sprint team. Along with a fairly competitive household they have been a part of a brutal win at all costs programme in athletics, which has in turn led to an issue that I could do with your help on..

The two girls are clearly the 'best' players in the group, though they are never told. They have potential to be two of the brightest talents in the country given their brilliant physical attributes at such a young age. 

Unfortunately the coaches aren't able to draw on the girls' potential because whenever the team concede goals, lose a game, or the two girls feel that things aren't going their way they will immediately ask to be substituted. This normally ends in one or both of them sulking. They'll often make a point of venting their frustration by moaning between themselves or worse, simply walking away from the court side. 

I have coached the two girls in a training environment and have experienced no issue whatsoever- I'm really not sure whether its the way I deal with them (or dont deal with them) or whether its because I coach their 16 year old brother so a kind of indirect trust has developed. I have a very particular way of dealing with him (goal setting & basic mental coaching techniques) but I just dont think these would work with the girls given their age and maturity. 

From the stands it looks almost as if they dont want to go through the failure process in training. Maybe they are well aware of their 'success' in athletics to the extent that they can't deal with being just one of the group in Handball. Last week one of the two literally stopped playing during a match, and avoided receiving a pass from her team. The coach substituted her and she sat on the bench emotionless for the rest of the game. 

If you ask the girls they'd say they love Handball, enjoy playing the sport and enjoy being a part of the group. They never miss training and are always 30 minutes early, doing their dynamic warmup from athletics prior to Handball training. (Quite funny actually, the other girls trying to follow them through the exercises). Off court they are courteous and well mannered. They are friends with the other girls but when they get on court they almost go into a shell and have real problems fitting in. 

Its got to the point where the other players are getting frustrated with the two girls, but are seemingly unable to actually talk to the girls about it (I dont know the friendship status or whether their is a hierarchy in the group affecting their willingness to actually discuss their frustrations openly). This has in turn negatively affected the other girls performances and, more worryingly the rest of the groups togetherness. They're now developing a blame culture and I worry that what could be such a minor issue could turn into something that will lead to huge dropout in the not so distant future. I worry that any form of team meeting / discussion between the group will simply break the two girls, who I feel wouldn't be able to cope with having discuss their feelings with the rest of the group. I might be wrong but Im certainly not willing to give it a go as an uneducated sport psychologist! 

I oversee 17 coaches at our club, and often deal with difficult circumstances, but this is a new one for me and I have a feeling it'll require some psychology expertise if I dig deeper into it, which im really not qualified enough for. Interestingly, their mother is a teacher and having spoken with her, she feels that the girls simply aren't being dealt with in the right way. 

Like I said, I've dealt with a number of challenging cases but I just can't put my finger on how to deal with this one. Does anyone have any experience of this? Im particularly interested in hearing how you would deal with it without risking losing the 'trouble makers'. I know the club are taking the approach of 'if they can't find a way to fit in then they shouldn't be playing' but I for me this is a easy way out and is really not an option for me. My opinion is that these are young girls who need to be nurtured. There must surely be a way to get these girls functioning on the same team without forcing them out? 

Thoughts welcome smile 

 

DS

Daniel Scott Post 2 in reply to 1

• 24 January 2016, 8:47 AM

Hi Scott

A couple questions;

Did the mother mention what she views as the problems in how they're currently being handled? Did she mention how she thinks they should be handled?

Do you think they have any resilience to deal with pressure? One initial thought I had, that I understand is high risk, is to not sub them when things go bad or against them, force them to deal with the situation rather than hide from it. This alongside some coping strategies and maybe, as a squad, covering the team values again might help to reinforce the message and attitude you want. I do appreciate this is rather high risk, I mostly work with 14+ guys who tend to be simpler than girls psychologically and even with them you need to pick who you try this with carefully.

For me the start point is having a really open and frank discussion with them, on their own or with the mother present as well, on the subject. At the very least you'll get some understanding of the underlying issues or how they see things. I'd also use that discussion to learn more about the culture at athletics before then contacting the athletics coach to see what they're like there, at training and in competition. It may even be worthwhile going to observe them at athletics.

Some coach education work with their coaches may also work well, giving them some ideas to use when girls do throw a strop.

My first ever 'Robin Hood'

Grahame Cotterill Post 3 in reply to 2

• 25 January 2016, 10:05 AM • Edited by the author on 25 January 2016, 10:09 AM

Dan,

I tend to agree with Scott. A couple of other things that might be worth trying is a bit of primary school pastoral care "circle time" Get the team sat in a circle and initially get each girl in the team to talk about how they feel when they win?,  finishing with those two girls. Then get the group to talk about how they feel when they loose? How do they cope with loosing? Do they feel pressured? By who? How can the team/coach help them at those times? etc. The rules for circle time are simple. Always tell the truth. Never repeat anything said inside the circle outside the circle provided that the coach does not have a duty to report it for safeguarding reasons. Respect the person that is speaking by listening and put your hand up to signify if you want to contribute or ask a question.

I do not know if schools in the Faroes have learning mentors/councilors - talk to the parents and ask if the girls can talk to one in school if they exist and parents if they will support that avenue.

Some youngsters who are used to "success" find it very hard to deal with emotions of "failure" because they are not used to dealing with it. I  have had some very tearful conversations with my daughter. Growing up she was academically bright, a successful runner, swimmer, footballer,  boxer, Thai boxer, British universities kick boxer champion in her weight. She could not pass her driving test and spiralled downward in her attitude to driving. Now she has her licence her confidence has risen considerably and she admits it was the first test she had not easily passed an assessment.

Scott Harrington

Scott Harrington Post 4 in reply to 3

• 26 January 2016, 4:13 PM • Edited by the author on 26 January 2016, 4:18 PM

New developments!

Hi Dan / Grahame.

Thanks for your responses, some really interesting thoughts.

Grahame - really like the comparison with your daughter, I feel it might have similarities. Though at this moment im not convinced the circle time is the right method of dealing with them, given the extent of their emotional instability and uncovering of some more going's on in the saga! 

Dan and Christine raised a good point that it would be prudent to first gather more information and gain a clearer understanding of the girls outside of Handball before any significant intervention in their / their coaches programme. I will be meeting with their running coaches later on this week to discuss their experience working with the girls, and to the parents. 

Though none have been diagnosed, they definitely show ADHD type symptoms which could explain why there are moments where they're content and others where they're a challenge. It may also answer my own question about why they are okay when I coach them in comparison to other coaches. My sessions tend to be highly energetic, less talking more doing, etc. which might take their mind away from everything and focus it in one very particular task.

There has been a further development to this story. A parents meeting was held yesterday evening after the club parted company with the U12's previous coach. To put it politely, the now ex-coach was a dinosaur, no education other than watching OLD SCHOOL elite handball growing up, the days where Soviet handball ruled the world. He possesses all the undesirable traits we spend our time talking about as students of coaching; agressive, dictatorship tendencies, promoting highly pressurised training environments, openly favouring 'the best individuals' and criticising others, lacked warmth, and so on. All issues I naturally raised to the board shortly after arriving and assessing the existing coaching structure. Only now have the board decided to act and replace him with the new, more suitable yet younger coaches with minimal experience. It also didn't help that he works off-shore 4 weeks on 4 weeks off, so there was a complete lack of consistency at a time in these girls lives where consistency is absolutely vital. 

The parents evening was held as parents were unsatisfied that the club had removed this coach. Turns out they were unsatisfied mostly because they shared his thoughts that the two girls should have been removed from the team. It became apparent that he often discussed his thoughts with them about the two girls.

A pretty messed up situation whereby the parents are now blaming the two girls for the coaches' removal, which is catastrophic for the two girls. Oh, and its also become apparent that the parents openly share this sort of information with their kids, which has led to some unsavoury discussions taking place over social media between the group. 

I didn't want to get stuck in without knowing more, but it seems as if we're already close to boiling point with this one. Therefore, I will be leading the coaching for the time being, and will do it as I always do. I will hope that my existing coaching expertise is effective enough to at least fire fight the situation for the time being until the I've had time to evaluate further. 

First course of action for me will be to introduce new on and off court standards - rules that will be set by the entire group for them to endorse. We will undergo a period of teambuilding to begin to educate these girls on the importance of togetherness. We will set team goals that I believe will provide more accountability and responsibility to the players for their own development. I hope the team will become less about the individuals and more about the team. 

Training will become completely free of pressure, and instead will be delivered in a completely inclusive manner whereby no one player has any more responsibility than any other. Teams will be created by age or colour of their hair, not by perceived skill level. Practices will be designed with a SSG / TGfU focus, which might get the players spending more time with those around them, in alternative games that are new and intriguing. 

Lets see how it goes! 

 

My first ever 'Robin Hood'

Grahame Cotterill Post 5 in reply to 4

• 26 January 2016, 4:19 PM

I like what your doing and given the additional background circle time is a non starter. Printing off and displaying code of coduct for parents sounds good too. Good luck. You have got your work cut out.

Christine Nash

Christine Nash Post 6 in reply to 5

• 26 January 2016, 5:04 PM

This is the type of issue that typifies youth sport coaching - it would seem that parents don't change!! I always said I wanted to coach orphans but I'm guessing that is not the answer. Going back to the last course - The Coaching Process - think about how the coaching process is informed/derailed by the interpersonal aspects, not just of the players but all of the 'others' coaching staff, parents & organisational representatives. 

I think your first stage approach is well considered. A word of warning - some approaches may work initially and perhaps not so much in the long term and vice versa. Some may not work at all! Ensure you keep communicating and be prepared for this to be a long, iterative process.

DS

Daniel Scott Post 7 in reply to 4

• 26 January 2016, 6:50 PM

Everything you've outlined looks good. Can only really say good luck, it sounds like a tough situation, for you and the girls.

CD

Christopher Duncan Post 8 in reply to 4

• 26 January 2016, 8:58 PM

Haven't been involved with the discussion here Scott, but reading through, this seems a very sensible move.

i have a very talented girl who is 13 at current and when playing within her team, has been a divisive influence at times. Her level is so far above that if her team mates that she often puts them down for their lack of skill or will decide not to pass to them because she knows they will mis trap the ball - recently being heard to say "what's the point". 

its been interesting, because other staff and the teams coach have not dealt with this well. They are PE teachers and look at solving this in a different manner. Simply giving her in trouble isn't going to work...

i became involved just before Christmas and what a difference. Speaking to her as an athlete, I understand her frustrations and can relate to the position that she is currently in. It has since been easier to discuss coping strategies and I have also linked her with our 1st XI captain who has gone through the same issues and is now a brilliant example of utilising her frustrations in a positive manner. Secondly - as you've described above, we set her personal goals to work on within sessions and matches . Thirdly, we have re stated the values of our programme and added specifics for her are group.

there will be issues eventually but in the short term, it's seen a positive result.

couldnt agree more with you - coaches/teachers often seem to blame the athlete. I often think it's their session which isn't engaging that athlete for a great enough volume of time.

best of luck! Interested to hear the outcome. 

BW

Britta Wenn Post 9 in reply to 4

• 29 January 2016, 8:53 PM

Hi Scott

i am sorry not being able to contribute to this subject,  i am not in the sport coaching field diectly, but as mother of 2 girls 22 and 24 years olld,  i am aware of the girls power and the influence of kids can have to parents and coaches, it s a very difficult triangle of  relation. and it asked from the coach (es)  a high level of sensitivity and expertise to resolve the problem.